Time for a Change?

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This is not “astrophysics.” If everyone were being raised by parents who exemplified being respectful, honest, kind and caring people… oh what a wonderful magical world it would be! Everyone would be operating from a place of love. Our “inner world” creates our “outer world.” If you are a person of faith, consult your Bible for confirmation. If you are a person of science, consult quantum entanglement for confirmation. Albert Einstein coined the term, "spooky action at a distance." It is no longer a theory. When we embody love, joy and peace in our minds and hearts without judgment, guilt, shame, anger, resentment or fear, our “outer worlds” will reflect this. This should be everybody’s goal if they truly desire peace on earth. Peace on earth begins with one human being at a time. And a great place to start creating this world is with our children. Encouraging their imaginations and playing pretend them all day long is super healthy for their impressionable open minds but lying to them and insisting that things are true when they absolutely are not true is super unhealthy and damaging to their formidable minds. It harms their critical thinking skills, comprehension skills and creativity. 

Unknowingly, most everyone is being raised by disrespectful, deceitful, unkind and “never-learned-how-to-care” parents. Our parents, of course, meant well because they were taught that lying to their innocent children about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy was “magical,” so this dysfunction continues through the generations. Lying to anyone about anything is incredibly disrespectful and mentally and emotionally abusive. It harms both you and the one who has been lied to. When you lie to someone else this will, unbeknownst to you, create trauma in your body in the form of “guilt and shame.” Most are holding onto a lifetime of trauma that has been stored in their bodies which may manifest itself with all sorts of different diseases and disorders. Hardly anyone is learning to be consciously aware of themselves to be honest. Most are operating on “auto-pilot” just saying whatever serves them best at the time. I’m not condemning anyone for this behavior. It took me being accused of all sorts of things that I was not doing to make a conscious choice to be honest all the time.  There simply is very little, if any, trust in this world because nobody is learning to be consciously honest. It is like we have all become sort of “pinballs” in a “pinball machine” without anyone learning to be consciously aware of their own behavior.

I promise you if people were learning to be consciously honest, their lives would not result in a state of confusion by the end in the form of “Alzheimer’s” or “Dementia. I’m sure all the lies they have endured in their lives is contributing to their confusion as well. If most everything that comes out of your mouth throughout your life is honest…. you simply would not end up in a state of confusion by the end of it. I believe everybody knows that the more honest you are, the better your memory is.  If everyone was living in the “here and now” as Eckart Tolle explains and being consciously honest and taking responsibility for their own behavior, oh what a wonderful world it would be! There are several books on the subject that mention miraculous synchronicities. I have had many myself. How do you get there? You focus on your values so your conscious is clear. You find your authentic self and have faith in the universe to guide you to your highest and best good. 

The more physical, mental and emotional abuse you have endured in your lifetime without learning to heal from it, the less respect you will have for people and the less you will be able to truly care about people. This is just common sense. If your own parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles lied to you from the day you were born practically, how are you supposed to trust anyone ever again?  How can you let yourself be that vulnerable ever again? You were humiliated by the very people you trusted and loved. Unfortunately, since it is usually our family members and romantic connections that are the ones that have contributed the most to our trauma, is why we have so many broken homes and domestic violence. If you haven’t noticed, it is a whole lot easier to have a respectful conversation with a stranger than it is with our own family members. Why? Because they are the face of our trauma. When someone has traumatized you, it becomes incredibly difficult to listen to them, trust them and treat them with any respect. In turn, if you were the one “dishing out” the trauma by lying or disrespecting them, you have a hard time looking at them because it just reminds you or your “guilt and shame.” Our subconscious minds have a great memory. 

It is high time we started acknowledging our emotions. We have them for a reason. They are our “moral compass” helping us to discern right from wrong. In essence, the more we are able to take responsibility for our own behavior instead of this incessant “blame game” that is going on with everyone pointing their fingers at everyone else, the more peaceful and easy our lives will become and we can start “expecting the best” instead of “bracing ourselves for the worst.” Of course nobody is perfect. You do your best to take responsibility for your own behavior and “do no harm” but life is a journey. If you falter, forgive yourself and, if appropriate, ask for forgiveness and move on and try to do better next time. But holding onto any “guilt or shame” harms not only you but nearly everybody else you encounter. It might be helpful at this point to create a list of respectful vs. disrespectful behaviors.

Behavior

   Respectful

        Honesty

        Kindness

        Listening

        Empathizing/Caring

        Complimenting

        Understanding

        Speaking calmly

   Disrespectful

        Lying/Betrayal

        Cruelty/Physical abuse

        Ignoring

        Not caring

        Criticizing/Name calling/Laughing at someone

         No effort in understanding

         Screaming

Respectful behavior comes from a peaceful person. Disrespectful behavior comes from a traumatized person who has not felt listened to or understood. They are attempting to “protect themselves.” When a child comes to the brutal truth at 7 to 8 years old, that they have been lied to by every adult they ever loved and trusted for guidance about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, they are traumatized. They have been disrespected, mentally and emotionally abused for the first years of their lives. Imagine if you just found out that your spouse who you loved, trusted and adored had been lying to you for the past 7 to 8 years, you would be absolutely traumatized and feel incredibly betrayed. The only difference is, our young children are still learning about their world so instead of being able to verbalize their tremendous betrayal, they internalize this trauma and become sort of “brainwashed” to believe this mental and emotional abuse is “magical” since every adult they loved and trusted told them that it was. Why should you trust them? They lied to you since the day you were born. Just because this has been “normalized,” doesn’t make it “sane.”

Since it is very difficult for a traumatized person to be able to listen and understand, this child could have all sorts of difficulties from ADD, ADHD, comprehension problems and learning disabilities. We may think we are “all fine” but how do we know if we have nothing to compare it to? Virtually none of us were raised by respectful, honest, kind and caring parents who listened to us and tried to understand us. They were traumatized a very long time ago by their parents. Instead, they attempt to control us and punish us when we behave badly not even recognizing how badly they are behaving. They have disrespected us and mentally and emotionally abused us since practically the day we were born.  

So now that we have made a list of respectful and disrespectful behaviors, let us now make a list of healthy and unhealthy emotions. 

Emotions

    Healthy

        Love

        Peace

        Joy

         Forgiveness

         Gratitude

         Appreciation

   Unhealthy

         Fear

         Sorrow

         Anger

         Judgment

         Humiliation/Embarrassment

         Shame/Guilt

So how do we get to this beautiful place of our “inner world” full of love, peace, joy, forgiveness and gratitude? Forgiveness is a whole lot easier when you realize “hurt and traumatized” people will “hurt and traumatize.” The more someone has hurt us, the more traumatized they have been not necessarily by us but by anyone from their past. You are not your story. The goal is to find that beautiful inner child full of love and authenticity that you were meant to be before entering this society full of chaos and confusion. Love yourself, believe in yourself and forgive yourself most of all. None of us are perfect, absolutely every single one of us have exhibited disrespectful or embarrassing behavior and felt the emotions to go along with it. Forgive yourself, let it go. Stop blaming yourself for the day you felt incredibly humiliated….  stop letting it haunt you. I’ve been there…. recalling something I had done and being horrified for years to come.  We’ve all been there. Let it go.  

Don’t worry about people judging you, the goal is unconditional love and if they are judging you, they have not arrived at finding their beautiful authentic selves. Self-love also involves boundaries. If you are feeling disrespected by someone, love yourself and explain your point of view. If your emotions are telling you that you are being treated like a “doormat,” trust them. Explain your point of view and if they don’t get it, it might be time to just let them go.  Nobody should ever have to endure any ongoing disrespect. 

Here is one way to look at our society as a whole, the more traumatized someone has been in their lives, the less consciously aware they will be of their behavior so they will just sort of run around unconsciously continuing to hurt people. The less trauma people have endured or the more healing they have done, the more consciously aware they will be of their own behavior and instead will run around spreading love, peace and joy. But until we take the first step at breaking the cycle and healing ourselves, generational dysfunction will continue and will continue to get worse and worse with horrifying things manifesting in our society such as suicides, overdoses, alcoholism, diseases, disorders, mass shootings, etc. 

It is all about respect. Respect yourself and respect everyone else. It is not “astrophysics” and a good place to start is with our children. They are our future.  Empathize with them, be honest with them, listen to them and care about them. They are not play toys. They are people too. Please help me spread the word! I have car magnets and t-shirts for sale and donations would be appreciated. There are many people to reach. I would love to hear from you! Please reach out to me at santaisretiring@gmail.com.